Lofty Sea Arena

2nd April, Day 2 In Japan

loftysea — Thu, 02 Apr 2009 13:11:54 +0000

Woke up at 630, but feeling moody and lost, regardless, still will carry on to move on to Kyoto and Nara. Took the 745 Shikansen from Tokyo to Kyoto after leaving most of my stuff with Kannie. Should reach about 11+ close to 12. Hoping that the weather would turn out well today after drizzling for the whole day yesterday. Today is much more sunny and better.

Looking out side of the window, can’t help but feeling very emotional about the things that are happening around me. Looking at how the train go pass the countryside, the sun shining, and Mt Fuji…which Kannie is suppose to go today…

Upon reaching Kyoto, it was still too early to check in. And I am still thinking if I should go to Nara or just visit the places in Kyoto which I want to go first…feeling lost regardless of what plans i have done before…then i just saw the Nara train and decided to heck it and just go ahead to Nara first…

After reaching Nara, took the usual route and walk to Todaiji….Along the way the Sakura bloom were about 70~80% which were pretty neat, but not my mood to appreciate is not there…But i have to say the scenery is there…After everything, just decided to head back to hotel and Kyoto Station for some shopping. But still feeling messed up despite seeing all the bloom…

1st day of April, 1st day in Japan

loftysea — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 14:14:18 +0000

Arrived in the early morning of Japan, around 730am. Drizzling in Tokyo, wet and cold. Its just like telling me how things are turning out to be with the friendship…cold and harsh. Is things suppose to be like that? Or is it just me? History just repeats itself. First, in poly, then in IJMS, then in UniS and back to EMAP again…its just like the chilly rain that start splattering on the external window of the Keisei rain to Ueno..cold and harsh…

Arriving in Ueno, the rain has stopped and but the wind is still blowing strong and at 7 degree. I decided not to wear the jacket, and just let the cold wind clear my mind…But we headed to Asakusa for some temple visiting..which I pray for the same thing everytime I go to a temple…and I jsut hope it will work….Did manage to take some photos there as well, but mostly are photos of Kannie and Sally…I only took one photo with Kannie….

After all that, going back to Ueno, the weather is chilly, but still bearable for me. I decided to let the cold wind clear my mind. Just decided to let the rain hit me on the face and the cold wind blow on me. In the evening, we just decided to go to Ueno Park to take some photos and to stroll in the evening breeze. And we just wanted to get some snacks for dinner.

And after everything, I am just going back to hotel to sleep so that I can go to Kyoto the following morning. However, regardless the issue is still clinging to my mind like a fish hook. I doubt I can sleep…..

Departure to Japan

loftysea — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 15:03:50 +0000

Finally, the trip that was booked in early Jan has arrived. Alot of first time. First time going overseas with Kannie and his gf Sally, first time onboard A380, first overseas break since I started my Masters. However, when this hour came, suddenly I wasn’t looking forward to it. Just felt depressed and unplanned. Somehow the issue which had bothered me is still screwing my head loose somehow. Can’t seem to get anything properly done. The work in office is crazy, the friendship with some are a question, studies is in a mess and I am looking at this trip to recharge myself.

I don’t know if this is really possible, by I am just messed up from studies to work and to friendship…Can never seem to get things rite for this year. Is it really that bad for me???Boarding time is in 20 mins….I should go now, but…its still a mess in my head….

Ignorance is a blessing, if the truth is upsetting…

loftysea — Tue, 24 Mar 2009 15:09:34 +0000

I guess finally have to give up on something that has been bothering me for the past 2-3 weeks. It will not do anyone any good if it drags on…I guess i will just take it that the issue is with me. Can’t do anything more…I can’t force others to compromise and accept my character..so..no point…I had tried, and I failed. If that’s really the case…then I can’t do anything also…

So I guess need to re-tune and re-focus back on my own…but its just very tiring…very very tiring…I just hope that eventually I have a chance to leave everything behind and just go away…it will probably be good for everyone…every single one whom I look upon as good friends…its probably my characteristics that is making every one tired..

So eventually if it was planned to go such way, then I think Ignorance is a blessing when the truth is upsetting…

或许，我真的是个失败者。。。

loftysea — Sat, 21 Mar 2009 17:38:33 +0000

有时，回首过去时间，看着自己的过去，只看到自己的愚蠢。这三十年来，好像没对任何人做对了任何事。

槟城也去不成了。朋友之间也开始有些摸查了。

就好像以前，从IRC到Poly, Poly到初次在HP工作，大学到现在，历史好像不断的重演着，我做为朋友的失败，也有我不断的逃避。

想想，当初选择到英国留学，除了是为了念书，最终的目的也是为了想要逃避朋友之间的摸查。。。现在，为了同样的原应，我也申请了一份到美国公干的工作，还在等消息。或许，我这一辈子在友情和朋友之间永远是个失败者。。。

也许，我根本就不是一个好的朋友吧，又或许，好比我以前的口头缠-‘我命犯天煞，孤独一生’。。。可能我真的不配有任和朋友吧。。。

看淡了一切，问问这一生在追求的是什么？

loftysea — Sun, 08 Mar 2009 11:32:22 +0000

最近工作也忙了许多，也累了许多。心情也没有以前那么轻松了。

这两周一直为了工作而烦。很多不是我的工作便成了我的工作。学业也应为这些工作而开始受到影响。幸好的是其他同学还能体谅，否则，不知如何是好。

同事之间，也开始有点距离和磨差。吃饭，聊天的时间也少了。有时真的很想就放着不要做了。也有时很想就这样辞职不做了。

难道真的在黎明来之前的那一刻是最黑暗的吗？还是真的守得云开，见月明？我不知道，真的好累好累。

每个周末我都会去四马路的观音庙上香，供花。今天也不例外。何平时一样，到了那，买花再去供花上香，再去吃饭。

今天吃了原本想早点回家做功课，但决定在那周边走走再回来。边走边听着个间佛具店所播放着的佛曲，心里也平静踏实了许多。然后看着周围的人，卖花的小贩，做着手工来卖的小贩，卖着纸巾的人，掏钱的残缺人士，各个忙着就是为了掏口饭吃。

再看看周边的香客，手里拿着的香，鲜花，口里念念有词。这时，我真的在问我自己，我和他们这一生在追求的是什么？我本身也是个佛教徒，受了三归五戒，但很多时候，我也犯戒，也像其他的香客一样，也对着菩萨像求着不一样的东西-希望能有能力买辆车，合家平安，健康，顺利。

很多时候，我也不知道我这一辈子要的是什么。。。或许现在求得是一辆车，得到了，我又想求什么？为了什么，我会这么烦，这么忙？或许知足常乐对许许多多的都市人真的是一个舍此吧？

在看看我和朋友之间，我也不禁的问了自己。。。我和朋友之间的友情真的是君子之交，淡如水吗？我对他们真的别无所求吗？我也不知道。我可以为了我的好友两类插刀，但我可否以平常心去对待一切，和他们对我的态度吗？？？

Happy 2009!!!! Or not so Happy???

loftysea — Thu, 01 Jan 2009 01:30:46 +0000

Finally 2009 is here….Don’t know if this will be a good year ahead or not…hopefully for studies and work wise. Hopefully, I can really achieve what I want to achieve in 09 for work and for studies. As for friendship wise, I guess I didn’t ahve a good end to 08 nor a good start at 09…doubt this year would be good for this perspective. Oh well, what to do? I guess the new year I will stop ‘cheapening’ myself by being too nice to others..Life moves on regardless how people treat me…Sometimes its just disheartening to know that what you meant to others is just nothing…No new year greetings, no calls, no sms, nothing…basically, you don’t even exist if you are out of their sight. Only when you are nearby, then you are present as a human, as a friend, else, you are just another stranger along the road…

Oh well, New Yr eve was ok…had dinner at a nice Japanese grill restaurant followed by chilling at the lounge with Karen and butt. Then after that went to Fullerton to meet others….Other than Karen’s grumbling…it was pretty ok to chill….but then again, the crowd is quite dead at both place…guess matured crowd….

Well, I guess that’s the life I have to lead, always slogging for others, but eventually people don’t even appreciate what I do, or don’t even know that I exist when I am out of sight. Instead of having the Auld Lang Syne as a traditional song for New Year, I guess I would take Stevie B’s Dream About You….There is just 2 lines of the lyrics which I think is very meaningful for me towards my friends…

“There are something, that I guessed I never know…When you love someone, you got to learn to let them go….”

Probably, that’s what I should do…if I love my friends…I will have to let them go…..Though I probably never set foot in thier life….I am just any other passerby in the streets to them….

“Just Let Them Go…..”

Post Birthday Dinner with Terrence….

loftysea — Thu, 25 Dec 2008 15:02:16 +0000

Has been quite a while since I met up with Terrence (my younger god-brother). Last time I saw him was a few weeks ago at some event which was something personal which I don’t think its a good idea to bring up here. Tried calling him and wanted to meet him earlier, but didn’t have the chance to since there was no response from him…Anyway, it felt good that atleast for Christmas there was someone to company…not strolling around the road aimlessly…Went to Ajisen for dinner and TCC for a drink…Thou I am not a big fan of Ajisen, but for me its the company that counts…And most importantly. its my brother that’s spending xmas with despite all tbe busy schedule each one of us have…

Christmas eve sharing in office…

loftysea — Wed, 24 Dec 2008 15:49:18 +0000

It’s christmas time again..and its the eve again today…Decided to buy a log cake and share with the team. Somehow, CW isn’t really in favor initially. Probably he felt that I have been spending too much treating him and others that he felt quite bad. Or maybe he doesn’t really want to sort of ‘own’ me too much…I guess for me, the feeling is not about who treat or who pay more…its about the feeling of sharing and the company that matters. Money is important, but if by spending what is within my limits could make life better, just by sharing the minimal that I could afford, I don’t see why not. I guess I am a very impractical person…I always think that the company and the time spend with friends are something that is almost impossible to buy with money…So these are the things that I go for in life, rather than trying to save and save like others…Of course, I do have savings too, but, if the budget allows, why not??? It’s always a pleasure to share…

But his words also brings about another thing to mind…its not about the money portion, but rather, am i putting in too much effort in building a friendship that may displace the other party or make others think that I have other motives for being too friendly???…just like what happened in the past…I guess most of the time, I am someone who try very hard to build up a friendship too fast that eventually, it never really became a friendship cause there is always a barrier where others are wary of me… Well, I guess like I said…have to learn to let things go…and take things easily…Probably maybe that’s why, when taking photos with him…he never really smile..and probably got abit of wary feeling too….

XMAS Log Cake....

Wonder what's Irvin and CK doing???I think that knife is meant for log cake..not other 'stick-like' stuff...

The team's group photo...

好了，吃也吃够了，玩也玩够了，生日也过了。。。

loftysea — Mon, 22 Dec 2008 22:58:01 +0000

好了，吃，喝，玩，乐都过了，生日也过了。虽然，有一群很好的同事，朋友庆祝，可是，心里还是有遗憾。或许，期望也太多了吧。可能真的凡事都要以平常心看待吧。没期望，没失望。身子也越来越差了。有时忽冷忽热，三十快来了。希望不是什么大病吧。看来要好好的照顾身子了。。。

咳，一旦过了所有的庆祝，心灵总是空空的，也许真的需要一个女朋友了。。

希望明年就找到吧。。。。神阿救救我！！！！